A Facebook notification came up that I have ‘memories to look back on today’, which sometimes can be depressing but this one was a reminder that I started my blog a year ago on this day.
The day my gorgeous godson was born- happy birthday my little prince!-, a day after my best friend’s birthday (love you Shebz, missing you already), four days after I got heartbroken again by someone who if I met now I wouldn’t look at twice, but seeking acceptance and admiration after you’ve been starved of it for years can ‘dumben’ you.
I was thinking, whilst taking a shower, what I want to write about on this post and I came up with many things as one does in the shower, that’s where some of the best ideas are born, but I can’t fit all in a post so I decided to start writing and see what will come out..
Well, a year ago, when I started this blog I was a total mess and writing was one of the things I wanted to try for a long time but for various reasons (e.g. confidence low, ex boyfriend didn’t think I could etc) I didn’t.
But it was exactly what I needed. It helped me immensely with my trip of self-exploration, seeking the meaning of life (I haven’t figured that out yet) and self-healing.
Over the last year I tried a lot of things, I quit many but the two things I still love and do is blogging (which I don’t do that often but I’ll explain in a bit) and play my guitar.
Music and my guitar are my daily medication. I can’t put into words how it soothes my soul when I come home after a long day or at weekends, and I get to play and sing. I’m not and don’t by any means want to be a pro. I know I’m not that good at either. But for me is self-expression, healing and confidence boost. A year ago I wouldn’t imagine posting a video of me singing and playing but now I do and I don’t care if nobody likes it as long as I do.
When I started this blog a year ago I was full of optimism and I still try to be optimistic but it is much harder.
I try to remind myself to enjoy every minute and get out, do things, push myself. But it’s not always easy when life throws shit at you. You do your best but it’s not always enough.
I had a rough couple of months and I didn’t want to post something just for the sake of it. There was nothing meaningful to share. I go back and read my older posts every now and then and life has changed me a lot within the last year but I’m grateful for all the lessons I learnt. It’s been a tough year but there were many good, beautiful moments too.
I know a lot of people who are struggling right now. I don’t think I’m the only one I had a cry at work recently because life got too much. But I also know there is much worse.
I feel now it’s time again to get out and try more things and explore myself and the world. But I find it hard so my way of dealing with it is one step at a time.
One of the things on my bucket list is to travel more. I’ve been to Berlin and Edinburgh last year but this year I want more. I know it might not be possible. But as a greek saying goes ‘η ελπίδα πεθαίνει πάντα τελευταία’ – ‘hope dies last’.
I’ll start with doing what I wanted to do for years, explore the beauties of my home, beautiful island, which I got to do a little bit last year, but there is much more to see! If I don’t post again before that, my next post will be in the end of March, full of pictures of my gorgeous homecountry, Cyprus.
I have no answers to anything but this last year taught me a lot and made me a better person. And a part of it is because of this blog.
Thank you to everyone who’s been reading my rumblings.
Love you all x